Intervention Time
by Cat Kills Millions
Summary: Morgan and Garcia stage an Intervention for Reid. Now a series!
1. Reid

Spencer Reid made his way to the back of the library where he was met by Garcia and Morgan sitting down with a single chair in front of them.

"What are you guys doing here?" Asked the pleasantly surprised doctor.

"I told you he'd be here." Smiled Morgan smugly.

"I could have just tracked his phone." The blonde pointed out.

"Oh, c'mon. This is much more satisfying. And allot easier."

"I'm sorry to interrupt," interrupted Spencer "but why're you here?"

"You know we love you." Sighed Morgan. "But this has to stop."

Oh no. They knew about his morphine addiction. He was so ashamed. He didn't know if he could face anyone at the BAU after this.

"You need to stop changing your hair every season...I mean...month."

Garcia took out a piece of paper and read aloud. "Spencer, you are essentially my baby. When you cry, I cry. When you fail, I fail. When you change your haircut, I worry. First it was the medieval warrior, then a string of others like the Andrew Garfield, the Ellen DeGeneres, the other Ellen DeGeneres-" Now she was crying. "I just want my sweet little nerd back."

Morgan sat up straight; he began his speech as Garcia was unable to finish hers. "You know I love you man. No homo." Whatever helps him sleep at night. "But this addiction of yours is tearing our team apart. Penelope started dying her hair and I contemplated afro. So please, won't you let us help you?"

The doctor's eyes widened in shock. "NEVER!"

He jumped out the window and his hair was messed up. He was brought to fabulous rehab and stuck with the medieval warrior haircut for the rest of his life.

The BAU was functioning once again.

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A/N: I just went there! Inspired by the 10 reasons to love Reid video.

Review, Favourite or whatever...Yanno I don't need your approval! YESIDOYESIDOYESIDO!


	2. Morgan

**Intervention Time**

**Chapter Two- Morgan**

* * *

Garcia made a sympathetic face. "This is an intervention."

"There's nothin-"

"Sit please." Asked Rossi politely.

"Why?"

"Because you're jogging on the spot."

Reid looked at him with pleading eyes. "You need to stop exercising so much."

"Why?"

"Stop asking why and let us help you." said Garcia, leading him to a plastic chair holding his hands."

"Fine." sighed Morgan, sitting down but stretching his hamstrings as he did so. " But this is ridiculous. And why didn't you show up to Reid's

intervention?"

"His habit I could live with. My hair, although peppered is fabulous. But I'm not a young man and you make me look bad."

Reid stood up. "Morgan. You work out too much. And you sometimes try to force me to do it with you. Not cool."

It was Garcia's turn. "Stop working out so much. It's affecting all our work and your own. It's not healthy. And you're really distracting Spencer."

Morgan turned to the Medieval warrior haired man. "I'm not. Tell her Spence."

The doctor looked down to the ground. "It's really distracting."

Morgan sprinted off, unable to face his demons. But later on, he realized it was much more fun watching Spencer work.

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A/N: I may or may not be imposing mine and M's ships upon you. ~C


	3. Garcia

**Intervention Time**

**Chapter 3- Garcia**

* * *

Garcia made her way to her office on a Thursday afternoon to find Reid, Derek, Kevin, JJ, Rossi and Hotch standing uncomfortably. She knew what this was: an intervention.

"Garcia," said Morgan "we're here about your addiction to cat videos."

"Hey!" frowned Rossi. "I thought this was about the cyber-stalking."

"I thought we were here about the nail-polish." This came from Reid.

"No, no, no" said JJ "this is definitely about eating too much take-out. Indian, Tai, Chinese-"

"We're the BAU." defended Garcia. "Ain't nobody got time for a home-cooked meal."

"We all eat take-out but you and muscle-man over there." Kevin pointed at JJ and the Morgan. "No, this is about your desk-toys and fluffy pens. You don't need that many fuzzy pens, you type everything out. They make your desk cluttered and the toys are distracting Reid, much like Morgan."

"Okay." sighed Hotch "Obviously we're not on the same page, huddle."

After about two minutes of huddling Hotchner finally emerges. "It's about the nicknames."

"What do mean sweety-bear-no-blinky?" Asked Garcia.

"We don't even know who you're referring to anymore."

Morgan put his hands in the air. "Their decision, not mine. I think they're fine."

"Exactly." Said Hotch.

Garcia sighed. "I have a confession to make. I use nicknames because I kinda forget your names from time-to-time I use the nicknames so you won't notice. I pulled a snuggle-puss."

"You can't remember my name, can you?" She got a judgmental stare from Morgan.

"I know it; I just can't remember it right now."

From that day forward, the BAU had to wear name tags. Not a very good idea for undercover missions and she can't see them without a spy-cam (that intervention was next week). Thanks Prentiss, nametags were a greeeeeeaaaaaaaaat idea.

* * *

A/N: We apologise for the Prentiss-bashing but yah...

Thank you to our kind reviewer who suggested this!

Review, Favourite, Follow just don't drop it. (unless it's a beat. drop da beat)

Crap! I dropped the beat! That was all I had for lunch! NOOO!

Stay tuned for the next chapter ~C


	4. Hotch

**Intervention Time**

**Chapter 4- Hotch**

* * *

It was time for yet another intervention. Hotch was ticked off because he would be the 'patient' this time.

In unison Prentiss, Reid, Garcia, JJ, Morgan, Rossi and a short, frightened-looking man sat in the designated "intervention" chairs.

"Get out of my office." sighed Hotch.

"It's about the no blinking." said everyone in unison.

"Get out of my office."

"But Hotch!" whined Garcia. "you're scaring Norm!"  
"Who's norm?"

"The new intern." Garcia shoved the short man toward Hotch. "He has nightmares about those unblinking eyes."

"Is this true?"

The intern wet himself and ran away.

"Kid had a bright future ahead of him." sighed Morgan, shaking his head. "You see?"

"As a blinker," said Reid seriously. "I understand his behaviour fully. Besides, if you don't blink it may cause damage to your eyes. Do you use eye-drops?"

"Maybe he does." agreed Rossi. "He does have an astounding amount of drawers. He could have a stash."  
"Stop acting like eye-drops are drugs!" Yelled Hotch.

Prentiss spoke. "We were just trying to-"  
"Shut up Prentiss! EVERYONE OUT OF MY OFFICE!"

One they all filed out, Hotch opened the drawer under his desk and pulled out the precious eye-drops. "We must guard the precious."

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A/N: A bit OOC, I know but still!


	5. Rossi

**Intervention Time**

**Chapter 5- Rossi**

* * *

Rossi switched off his laptop. Damn, editors are blood-thirsty creatures that spawned from the very gutters of the underworld. They said he had to use windows because it had spell-check and they were sick of fixing all his errors. That's what they got paid for, right? Besides, it cost too much and it was a bother to install. Why couldn't he just use notepad?

The tired author stretched and made his way into bed. He was just about to drift off when he heard a noise. Grabbing his gun from his drawer, (you can never be too careful when your series isn't above killing main characters) he tiptoed to the kitchen.

There, he saw the outlines of five people. The detective fired two shots before JJ's voice pleaded him to stop. All squashed on Rossi's couch were Hotch, JJ, Reid, Morgan and Garcia. Thankfully, nobody was hurt.

Maybe he knew they weren't serial killer's, maybe he didn't. Maybe he was above firing at teammates in order to get a point across and maybe he wasn't. We'll never know. "This is breaking and entering!"

"This is an intervention," corrected Hotch "and that is a two millimetre pistol."

"This is Spartaaa!" Yelled JJ.

"It's bigger on the inside." added Reid.

"Not everything is about doctor who." Said Morgan.

"Yes it is." argued Reid.

"This is going on the list of things we need to have interventions about." JJ took out a notepad and a pencil which was fluffy and pink and came from Garcia's hair. "Kevin may have had a point with the fuzzy pen thing."

"But it's a pencil." whined Garcia.

"Okay, what are you having an intervention about? Because I think some of you should have an intervention about having interventions." yawned Rossi.

"Oh," whispered Garcia "That's good! JJ, take that down."

"Okay." nodded JJ.

Hotch stood up. "You're addicted to marriage."

"How-"

"As a divorced man, I can tell. You love being married."

"It's not my fault they don't work out." He was on the defensive now.

"No, no, no" said Morgan "this isn't about failed marriages. This is about the actual action of getting married. How many times have you put a ring on it? You can be real with me."

"I'm more interested in how much he's forked out in settlements."

"Maybe he's addicted to signing things." suggested Reid." Authors sign a lot of books. He could have taken the job in order to fuel and fund his obsession. Maybe the more important the signature, the bigger the thrill. A lot like a serial-killer going for more high-risk targets. Tell me, have you ever had to urge to tattoo your name on someone's face and have them walk around with your name plastered on their face?"

"What?!" Rossi didn't get it.

"You're sick." Hotch shook his head. "We can help you. Is it signing things you're addicted to, or commitment?"

"How'd you guys get in here anyway?"

"Window."

Rossi was sick of windows tonight. Darn thing took a lifetime to install.

The owner of the house had an urge to shoot his colleagues but had a better idea. "Will you drop it if I make you some pasta?"

"Yes." they all said in unison.

And they all lived happily ever pasta until the next chapter.

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A/N: Thank you to the reviewer who suggested this!

I hope it lived up to your high standards.

M: They're reading your stories. Their standards can't be that high.

C: *Builds death-ray*

I do not think all editors are "bloodthirsty creatures that spawned from the very gutters of the underworld" just some of them.

REVIEW AND I SHALL GIVE YOU PASTA (I ate it all but we'll reply to your review!).

~C


	6. Prentiss

**Intervention Time**

**Chapter 6- Prentiss**

* * *

"Oh awesome... an intervention." said Prentiss sarcastically as she entered the BAU building, her friends gathered around her. "I don't have a clue what this could be about. I already quit coffee."

Garcia shook her head and led her to a seat. "Sit down, this one's... pretty personal. Men, out."

"But I wanted to do an intervention!" whined Morgan.

"Okay, if you leave now, you can all go to the movies." Garcia gave the boys out four tickets for "How To Train Your Dragon 2". Rossi, Reid, Morgan and Hotch scurried down the hall. (In the most mature, manly way possible.) She could hear the far-off squeal of Reid saying "Can I get a slushie?" Oh, they grow up so fast.

Eimly looked at her female colleagues with a confused face. "What'd I do?"

JJ shuffled awkwardly. "It's about your cat... Sergio..."

"What? Is he okay?"

"He's okay. But we spoke to your psychologist-"

"DATING YOUR CAT IS WRONG! BESTIALITY IS ILLEGAL AND IMMORAL!" cried Garcia.

"I'm not dating my cat. I lied to the psychologist so they'd think i'm sane." The brunette was now massaging her temples.

"Sane women don't date cats."

"I never told the psychologist he was a cat."

"So... your keeping this forbidden romance between you and the cat?" JJ shook her head. "If you had a talking cat this would be different. But you don't speak cat. How do you know Sergio wants this kind of relationship?"

"I dnno." said Garcia. "Eimly speaks allot of languages."

"I'M NOT DATING MY CAT! I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO CATS, HE'S NOT ATTRACTED TO WOMEN!"

"...I don't know, I got a flirty vibe off him when he was staying at my house."

Prentiss promptly stormed out, and went to go join the boys. She spotted the four wearing Viking helmets, Morgan and Spencer crying in each other's arms, Rossi saying the rosary and Hotch having a flashback of some sort. The movie seemed almost over and Hiccup fired a flaming arrow for some reason (she hadn't been there the whole time so she had no clue what was happening on-screen at the moment).

"Why're you crying over a dumb kid's movie?"

Spencer turned to her and screamed "GET OUT YOU HEARTLESS SHE-DEVIL! YOU DON'T KNOW US! YOU DIDN'T SEE WHAT WE SAW!"

She ran from a scary Spencer and saw none other than Sergio the cat walking into "The Fault In Our Stars" with the Persian (cat, not woman) from next door.(Mind you, he had been acting overly friendly with her too.)

Prentiss was fine. She didn't need him. It's not like they were in a relationship anyway. She'd show him.

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A/N: Thanks soo much for all the reviews! They fuel my mediocre soul! I'll probably be wrapping this up pretty soon but seeing as this story was probably our most popular, I plan to write a lot more for this fandom in the future! Sorry for the wait, hope this makes up for it!

~C


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